Single Dad FILF: Fireman I'd like to.... (HotShots Book 3) Read online

  No way two hours have passed when the doorbell sounds - the groceries arrived early. But when I open the door I see a woman with skinny high-arched brows that look as though she drew them on. She’s hanging on to a small child that I recognize from photos all over the house.

  “Who the fuck are you?” The eyebrow woman barks.

  “I’m Lainie, a friend of Ryder’s.”

  Thank god I got properly dressed. It did occur to me to lie around in another of Ryder’s tees and no underwear until he came home. It seems rather rude, the way eyebrow woman speaks as well the cussing in front of the child. She also seems to be expecting me to tell her what I’m doing here but she’s the ex for a reason and I’m not going to explain myself to her. I also decide not to invite them in.

  “Well I gotta go out of town on urgent business.” She says at last. “I called Ryder but he’s not picking up. Probably ghosting me, or… busy.”

  She casts a glance up and down my body, sizing me up.

  “He was called to an emergency blaze.” That much I’ll give her.

  “Oh he’s all about the five alarms isn’t he?”

  I don’t know what she means by that but I’m not going to get on her side of whatever they have going on. It can’t be easy maintaining a relationship with an ex when you’re both parents. My mother never managed it. I look down at the little girl who is staring back up at me with a curious gaze. I noticed how she stiffened at the mention of the fire and remember that this is her father we’re talking of and he’s facing danger. She looks as cute as her pictures but you never know with kids of divorce - She might be a terror. She’s Ryder’s baby and I owe him, so no matter what I’m going to take care of her.

  “So do you want to drop Jasmine now?”

  “Er, yeah. Hence she has her stuff.” The woman says sarcastically.

  I see the little girl is carrying a small yellow backpack with butterflies attached.

  “Okay, no problem. I’ll be here until he gets back so I can watch her.”

  “Whatever.”

  The woman whose name I don’t know shrugs, which is kind of offhand for a mother of a small cutie pie. Ryder has never spoken of his ex which I take as a good sign that he’s no longer attached. I cannot picture these two together in any way.

  Without giving her child a kiss goodbye or even a goodbye, the woman takes off down the path to a waiting car, gets in the passenger side and drives away without looking back. I look down at the child and notice her big round eyes aren’t watching her mom disappear either. She’s studying me with curiosity. It’s unnerving. Like she knows more than I do. She seems way older than five.

  “So you like butterflies?” I say after racking my brains to think of something.

  She nods with a serious little frown.

  “Shall we go inside, Lainie?” She says.

  “Of course.”

  We do and she takes off her backpack and sets it down on the ground.

  “Don’t you want to take that to your room?”

  Luckily I cleaned it top to bottom while looking for something to do earlier. There’s no trace of my brief invasion of her space but there is something in there I think she may like. She frowns and shakes her head no.

  “I’ll wait for Daddy.” She says.

  “He might be a little while yet. But we can, um, you know.”

  What? What should I do with her? Think, dumbo. What do five year olds like to do?

  “Would you like to see what’s on TV?”

  She shakes her head no again with that serious little frown. Seriously? A kid that doesn’t jump at the chance of watching TV? Maybe she’s pissed that I’m here.

  “Daddy says I have to ask him if the show is suitable before I watch it.”

  “Oh, yes, that’s good. But I’m sure he’d be fine with me checking it out for you.”

  “That’s okay.”

  Saved by the bell. The groceries arrive and I’m embarrassed that I don’t have any money to tip. When I shut the door on the man, with a thousand humble apologies, I note that Jasmine is no longer on the couch.

  “Lainie.” She cries out from a room down the hall.

  I dash down to her bedroom in semi-terror, only to find her cradling Jersey in her arms with delight all over her face.

  “Is he for me?” She whispers as though she doesn’t dare believe it.

  Jersey opens one eye from his nap and stares at me.

  “Yes, sweetie.” I say.

  I hope Jersey doesn’t feel abandoned but now that I’m all taken up with Ryder, this way, the mutt will have constant attention and Jasmine will have a friend. Everyone a winner.

  I go back to the kitchen to start unpacking the stack of groceries and Jasmine and Jersey come too. I feel her gaze trailing me same as her father but slightly different of course. Then she’s beside me, handing the items up for me to store. The huge bag of flour is more than she can handle in her tiny hands. She examines it with the same intensity she looks at everything.

  “Do you know how to bake cookies?”

  “Actually I do.” I say. It’s about the only thing I do know how to cook. “And we don’t need to store the flour as I was planning to make some. I’m a cookie monster.”

  Jasmin smiles still wearing the serious frown at the same time. “Me too. But I never made any. I saw some kids baking on TV.”

  “Would you like to bake with me?”

  She nods. I pull a chair over for her to stand on and manage to locate a mixing bowl. I’m relieved we have this task to focus on as I’m dying to probe about her mother and what happened between her parents and all that stuff, but I know it would be wrong. We talk about the ingredients as they go in, especially the chocolate chips. When everything is tossed in the bowl and mixed, Jasmine looks at me wide-eyed when I stick my finger in.

  “What? You don’t like cookie dough?”

  “I don’t know.” She says.

  “Try some.”

  She points one tiny finger gingerly into the mix and transfers it to her mouth, then grins.

  “I know right? It looks gross but tastes like heaven.”

  We eat more than we should and I worry she might get a stomach ache or throw up. Once the cookies are baking, there’s nothing to do again. Jasmine goes to sit quietly on the couch with her hands in her lap. What the..? I never saw a kid like this. Don’t they usually run around and rip the place apart?

  “So we have to wait twenty minutes for the cookies to bake. What do you say we draw some butterflies?”

  “I don’t think we have pencils.”

  “We’ll find something.”

  I dig up some ball point pens and one stubby lead pencil and a highlighter. By the time I’ve done that, Jasmine watching me closely all the time, the house has filled with my favorite aroma. We sit at the table with some torn up scraps of paper I found in a kitchen drawer and the cookies. There’s plenty of milk too.

  “That’s an amazing drawing.” I tell the kid and it’s true. She’s a natural. “He looks like he’s flying.”

  “Are you my Daddy’s girlfriend?” She replies.

  “We’re friends. I haven’t seen him for long.”

  “I haven’t either.”

  “Oh. I meant, um…” Whatever, she’ doesn’t need the details. “So you don’t come stay much?’

  “Daddy has to work a lot.”

  “Your bedroom is beautiful.”

  I’m wondering whether the perfect bedroom is a sign of Ryder’s guilt at not spending time with his little poppet. The way she sat on the couch so quietly, it looked like she was trying to blend into the furniture rather than stake a claim to the family room.

  “He does a very difficult job. But I know he loves you very much.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because he told me all about you and he made you a very special room to sleep in when you come visit.”

  “Where do you sleep?”

  “Oh, I um, I don’t have my own room. Are you hung
ry?”

  It’s getting dark and maybe I should give the kid something to eat besides cookies. She nods her head so we go back to the kitchen and make some spaghetti. After we’ve eaten, I go to the washroom and when I come back I find the kid cleaning up the kitchen.

  “Hey, you don’t have to do that. I can do it later.”

  She looks at me confused, then her face changes to fear. I follow her gaze and see Ryder has come through the door. I resist the urge to rush him and twine myself around him. He’s still wearing his suit and his face is soot-blackened. He looks like an invader from Mars which is what scared Jasmine.

  “Daddy?” Jasmine says as though she isn’t sure if the giant really is her father.

  When Ryder sizes up the situation his face turns even darker.

  “Baby, yes, it’s me.” He throws me a glare, his mood completely altered from when he walked in the door and when he left earlier. He looks exhausted. “I didn’t know you’d be here or I’d have changed at the firehouse.”

  Jasmine goes immediately to her father and hugs him, or at least her little arms try to reach around his legs.

  He picks her up in his arms and hugs her but over the top of her head, his face remains stony when his eyes capture mine.

  Chapter 16

  Ryder

  I throw off my suit and wash my face so my baby can see it’s only her daddy beneath the brutal remnants of the fire all over my body. She’s never seen me in my workwear. I’ve never allowed it, and she looks terrified.

  “Daddy are you hurt?”

  “No Baby, daddy’s fine.”

  She puts her little hands around my neck and hugs me tighter than she ever has before. I get Jasmine ready for bed and she tells me how Shannon came home with some new dude and told her to pack a bag, she was going to stay with Daddy for a while. Once again she takes off with some guy and no consideration for the child. If Lainie hadn’t been here she’d no doubt have left the kid sitting in the doorstep and not for the first time. I came off shift once and there she was, in the dark, alone and clutching her backpack like it could protect her from all the assholes prowling the streets.

  I’d like to wring Shannon’s neck except if I so much as comment on how she takes care of Jasmine, she tells me I’m welcome to make other arrangements.

  “Find someone else to look after her if you don’t like how I’m doing it. It’s not easy.”

  Thing is, there isn’t a kid easier than Jazzy and not just because she’s mine. Sometimes I worry at how eager to please she is.

  “I made cookies today, Daddy. And I saved you some.”

  “That sounds like fun. I bet they’re good.”

  “I never baked cookies before. And Lainie let me eat some from the bowl.”

  “Did she?”

  I don’t like the sound of that. I hate it when Jasmine eats junk food. It’s all she ever gets from Shannon so I try to make sure she eats healthy when she’s with me. I read Jasmine one of her animal stories and she settles down happily with her bears and elephants and parrots.

  “Thanks for taking care of Jasmine.” I say when I go out to the living room. But Lainie’s not there, nor in the kitchen although the place is now spotless, all the plates cleaned and put away. She’s not in the bedroom either, then I hear the door open.

  “Where are you going?”

  She’s clutching a bright yellow shopping bag.

  “I got to take off now, let you have some time with your kid.”

  “Get in here. You aren’t ever going back there, I already told you that.”

  “You sure like ordering me around.” She snaps and I can’t disagree, I do have the tendency to dominate. I always assumed it came with the job but perhaps I’m just an asshole.

  “Sorry. Won’t you please come back in.”

  She reluctantly closes the door but I can tell it’s just an act. The relief shows in her face but she worry-bites her lip.

  “Why are you so mad with me?” She asks.

  “It’s complicated. I had a rough one. Thank you for taking care of my daughter today.”

  “You should have seen your face when you came in and saw us together.”

  “It was just a shock. And I was mad that she was dumped here like a package.”

  “She was a little shell-shocked at first. But we had a good time in the end. She made you this butterfly picture.”

  Oh fuck, I almost choke up. I’ve never had a drawing from my kid. I don’t believe the concept of crafts is in Shannon’s wheelhouse. Not that I’m any better at that myself I guess. I want to take Lainie in my arms and thank her properly but I don’t dare, not with Jazzy in the house and the way I lose all sense of control when she’s close to me. My kid could wake up and come looking for me. If she were to see us, well, I don’t want her any more messed up by the changing relationships in her life.

  “Ryder, is something wrong? You look pissed again.”

  “I’m fine. It’s the first time I had something like that from Jazzy. Thank you for showing her how.”

  “Man, that kid is a natural. We had a lot of fun.”

  I’m glad Lainie is animated by talking about the time she spent with my kid, enough so that she doesn’t notice at first how choked with emotion I am. When she stops chattering, a silence falls between us. My eyes draw hers in and I see huge pools of intensity that can’t swallow all her past hurts. We look at each other and the three feet between us may as well be an ocean. It would only take a second to cross the expanse and make it right, to pick her up and hold her and stroke her soft cheek. But I can’t maintain any sense of balance when I’m around Lainie.

  It’s like all the fire alarms are clanging in my head and danger signals are going off. Not because of her, but from what might happen if I let myself go with her. I want her under me, arching and sighing and knotting my hair around her little fingers. Just as much, I want her in my house drawing fucking butterflies with my kid. And that’s just messed up. She’s not much more than a kid herself. With a whole shit ton to sort out before she goes on with her life. Without me in it. That fucking tears me up.

  “Lainie…”

  “I know. I get it.”

  “You do?” I don’t think I get it myself.

  “I’ll sleep on the couch. We won’t confuse Jasmine.”

  “No, I’ll sleep on the couch, you take the bedroom.” I insist.

  “Ryder you’ve been fighting a fire all day. I’m fine on the couch. It’s more than I…”

  If she starts with that I don’t deserve it stuff again I’m going to lose it with her.

  “I’m not going to fight about this. You’re taking the bed and that’s final.”

  There I go again with the domination but this time she decides not to pass a comment. Instead she says, “I ran a hot bath for you while you were reading Jasmine a story. It was real nice to hear.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  Really I wanted a quick hot shower and to pass out in bed but she’s trying to do what she thinks will help and I don’t want to burst any more bubbles with my bear attitude.

  “You’re a good dad to read to her when you’re obviously exhausted. Was it a bad day?”

  “It was a tough one. One of the guys, well, he’s in the hospital and it doesn’t look good.” My voice croaks and Lainie rushes across the space between us to hug me tight.

  I break all my new rules and relax into her arms, feeling all the pent up tension rush out of me.

  “Fuck I need you so bad.” I mutter into her hair.

  I don’t know whether she hears me but she takes my hand and leads me down the hall to the bathroom. Once there, she starts to unbutton my fly and as exhausted as I am, still my cock responds to her instantly. But we can’t do this. She tugs the hem of my shirt and I raise my arms for her to lift it over my head. She plants kisses on my pectoral muscles and heat flies through them right down to my cock.

  “Lainie.” I moan as she yanks down my jeans and falls to her knees in front o
f my shaft, which is bolt upright, throbbing and swaying in front of her face.

  “I know.” She says. “We can’t. Let me undress you. I can see you’re burned out. Shit, sorry, I wasn’t trying to be funny at the expense of your job.”

  “It’s okay.” I raise a smile. I know she didn’t mean to make that a joke, it was a natural mistake.

  “Was it horrible?”

  I nod. Despite my cock’s insistence, I’m too tired to talk or even stand. I sink down into the water she ran for me. I never take a bath but the heat penetrating my aching muscles is so good. I’m rock hard and I see Lainie eyeing my erection that’s staking the water, with longing. I want nothing more than to pull her in the tub with me and wrap myself around her. I can see her positioned on her knees straddling me, her favorite place, then sliding down my length which she does so well. I love having her sitting on me balls deep while I watch her take all of me inside her over and over again.

  My arm rests on the side of the tub, really I’m too broad to fit easily. Lainie plants more of her kisses along my bicep, so lovingly it makes my blood rush. She seems to be fond of me but I’m still not sure of her motives. How long before she demonstrates some desire for a fix?

  Chapter 17

  Lainie

  Ryder’s perfect blade cuts through the water and drives me wild with need for him. I’m greedy for more of him and the urge to climb into the tub is more than I can stand. I know how he likes me on top as I glide down his length and impale myself on him, pinching my nipples while he watches. Even though he’s drained by the day’s work, he wouldn’t have to do a thing.

  “You’ve got an evil glint in your eye.” He says with a smirk that means he’s thinking the same. I stand up to strip off my clothes and the doorbell sounds.

  “I’ll get it.” I say.

  “No Lainie.” Ryder barks

  “What?” I snap.

  Does he not want any of his friends to see me? Am I really that much of an embarrassment?